I'm No Prisoner

Another book shut. Another podcast downloaded. Another journal entry written. 

And the fog hangs on.

Another retreat attended. Another coaching session booked. Another workout completed. 

And the fog hangs on.

Another self-care day taken. Another trail explored. Another goddamn mantra repeated. 

And the fog hangs on.

I'm no prisoner. That'd be too easy. Even choice taken, stolen, is liberty granted. For there is freedom in limits, in restrictions. I'm no prisoner. Worse, I'm a wanderer. Convinced of a Promise Land just beyond the tree line. A shepherd shackled to his own wishful thinking. 

Father, how dare you rob me of a life of self-content? What a cruel, cruel trick you've played – shaking me up like a snow globe, winding me up like a toy monkey. I hope it, I hope THIS, at least gives you a good chuckle, Lord – a hearty laugh as you attend to far greater matters. 

Ah…back to it though.

Another vision board constructed. Another meditation recited. Another "life purpose" penned. 

And the fog hangs on. Clinging tighter than a slipknot. 

The cliff's edge singing me a ballad–seducing me into bed.

This book telling me I'm just ONE mindset shift away from fulfillment. 

That book telling me happiness is inside ALL of us, if we'd only reach out for it.

Huh…you don’t say! A concept for the books if I’ve ever heard one!

Well, what about us who haven't only reached out for it? 

What about those who have called for it? Begged for it? 

Searched and screamed and scoured and shrieked for it? 

Clawed and crawled and scraped and fought for it – ’til our pursed lips bleed and our vocal cords sting and our clenched fists cramp?

Ah…back to it though.

Purpose evades me like a fish – slipping through my bare fucking hands with those slimy fucking scales. 

And so I wait...continue on... 

Another masterclass watched. Another article pinned. Another sermon attended. 

And the fog hangs on. Holds steady.

I'm no prisoner. 
I'm a wanderer. 
Wading through the ponds of promise to a bank as mossy as the one I came from. 

Father, how dare you rob me of a life of self-content?